Anyway, I do enjoy talking through thoughts and ideas and while my husband is very generous with his listening ear, I sometimes feel I need another outlet to sit and ponder and process my thoughts. So here I am.
Marriage has brought about many exciting things my way. It's been three months now, and I have learned a lot. We have a beautiful little home here and have just started full-time at a church we used to be a part of and we are on the lookout for some fellowship in this new place. It is not easy but it is great to be out there together.
It is fall again, I guess the fresh air, and falling leaves brings about an inspired heart. Our backyard reminds me of parks we would visit while we were dating and is only a few steps away.
This morning at church a man stood up and read a section of verses that had come to his heart to share...it was a beautiful section of Scripture I remember reading years ago.
Isaiah 58: 6-14
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness a]">[a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.
Many verses here in the Scripture I would loved to jump into, live out and have experienced but today one stood out to me in particular.
" If you do away with the yoke of oppression...." (v.9)
My first thought is that this verse is speaking of our own contribution to the oppression of others, based on the context and all, but this morning I heard something else, that the Lord also wanted to break my yoke of oppression, the burden that I've been carrying, so that I may stand strong in His victory and bring Him glory.
A little back story....I have always been overweight, still am, though thankfully I am healthier than I have ever been. I was not a healthy child, I remember eating cheese and cookies and hot dogs everyday in elementary school, and I have memories of being made fun of for my weight, feeling self-conscious and never really feeling comfortable doing any physical activities at school.
Middle school of course just made things worse, I so much wanted to fit in that I began to push away anything that was not Tommy Hilfiger or who knows to try and fit the part. Most clothes did not fit me, I was in the women's plus size store before I was even 14. My peak weight was 212 pounds in the 7th grade. I lashed out at others, was angry and unhappy.
The summer going into 8th grade brought a bit of a up-swing. One day driving home from the mall with my mom and having another failed attempt at finding clothes that fit, I so clearly remember sitting at the stoplight near my home and beginning to breakdown and cry, "that was it, I was done, I was sick of being fat and uncomfortable!" That summer I worked hard, I made salads everyday and began working out at home with a MTV workout video I had. It payed off. The day I started 8th grade I was down to 196 pounds, on my way.
Highschool, well was highschool, I continued battling my weight and self-esteem issues. My weight fluctuated in those years and by senior year I was working out a couple days a week and feeling pretty good at about 175-180 pounds.
College introduced Weight Watchers meetings and the opportunity for greater control of my eating plan and cooking. Things got better, I learned that my thyroid (organ that helps regulate my metabolism) was no good and was hindering some of my weight loss efforts.
I am currently about 145 pounds depending on the day but still struggling with old habits and a preoccupation with food, I find myself worried over making good choices or feeling guilty for uncontrolled eating. Though a bit better controlled, I know that I am not free. Currently I sit in a place of guilt over my eating and at times near depression over the fact that I am often still stuck in this over-eating rut. I have been told in the last year by my doctor that if "I want to have kids, I need to lose weight" that my weight is fueling a syndrome called PCOS, which may be a hindrance to child bearing. I need help, big help! I feel as though I have tried everything.
Today I was reminded that God, my Father wants to " do away with the yoke of oppression" that binds me. He wants me free so that He can use me in mighty ways. Our culture sort of allows for and accepts people being overweight and unhealthy, it is expected and not often called what it should be, but a result of sin. I want this cycle to end, I need the Lord's help to give me a new heart and attitude about myself and food, I will begin with prayer, I believe I am on my way.
